Support

I know I haven't blogged in a while, and there's a variety of reasons for that, but this post isn't about me.

Our friends Donna and Joe are in China right now, adopting beautiful baby Lauren. They are having a tough time with attachment, and smiles have been precious but very hard to come by.

As incredible as adoption is, it's also incredibly difficult at times. You can follow their journey at http://www.waitingforlaurenelizabeth.blogspot.com/ - please head over to their blog and offer them up all the support you can. With love and friendship, all obstacles seem just a little bit easier to conquer.

Everything Has Changed

It has been a long time since I've posted. There are lots of reasons for that, but probably the main one is that it's taking so f*ing long to get a referral that I've just kind of turned my back on adoption for a while. It seems easier, somehow (in a toddler's "you can't ignore me if I ignore you first" kind of way).

That said, this whole election thing has brought me out of my shell. Yesterday was a historic day - both for our country, and for our daughters. America voted in our first minority president. Why should our Chinese daughters care? Because as Caucasian parents, we can never understand what it's like to be not white. Like it or not, white privilege is a very real phenomenon. This election heralds change for all of us - both in our views on race as a country, and in the dreams of minority children everywhere. If an African American can become president, then why shouldn't a Chinese American be able to achieve anything she sets her mind to? Finally, the proof is in the pudding.

One other political soapbox to rant on from yesterday and then I'll step down again into my life of adoption denial...

Arkansas is out of it's mind. Yesterday, voters in AR passed Initiated Act 1 -- banning all non-married couples from adoption or foster care. This covers 'em all - co-habitating couples, straight or gay, from parenting adopted or foster kids. Hmm.....Let's pass a law that prevents willing folks from providing desperately needed homes to children just wanting to be loved. Makes a lot of sense to me....NOT.

Then again, pretty much nothing in this whole adoption thing makes sense to me right now.

Olympic Pride

Yesterday was a big day for China. As the torch lit signifying the opening of the Beijing Olympic Games, China turned a corner. The world watched as the stereotypical Chinese regime incorporated an impressive display of solidarity, tradition, and hope for the future into what will likely be one of the most memorable opening ceremonies in the history of the Games.

I watched the opening ceremony with fellow waiting adoptive parents, some toting children already back home from China, and one Chinese National who recently immigrated here to the U.S. All of our faces were touched with pride as we watched, knowing that a tiny bit of China has already burrowed its way into each of our hearts, if not yet our homes.

So, it caught me by surprise to hear that some adoptive parents are "boycotting" the Olympics. Many of them are bitter that so much money, time, and media attention has been spent on something other than processing China's orphaned children through the system and into their waiting arms. I understand their feelings of hopelessness and frustration at a system that promised the hope of parenthood in approximately 18 months and now dangles 48 months as an elusive carrot.

Nonetheless, that kind of ire masks the wave of positive change the Olympics have brought to China, politically, socially and environmentally. I'm certain that the Games will cost me months (if not years) of additional time waiting for our referral. But, I'm also hopeful that the forward momentum initiated by these Olympics will carry through to the future of China and its children - a future that my daughter will eventually be born into.

I'm hopeful that in the spirit of the Olympic Games, those waiting parents can find a way to set their bitterness at China and the CCAA aside. At the end of the day, teaching our internationally adopted children to be proud of where they came from is the responsibility of every parent. If the LED scroll pages turning and the silk costumed dancers twirling and the 2008 tai chi performers swaying in perfect synchronicity didn't move you to feel the tiniest sense of pride that you get to be a part of it all some day - albeit a some day much further in the distance than you thought - then please step to the side now. It is a privilege to adopt one of China's daughters. May we honor it as such.

OK, I'll say it. I hate pregnant people. Well, not really hate in the true sense of the word. More like an intense sort of envy that I am not proud of. And sometimes pregnancy - and envy - can interfere in otherwise perfectly healthy, happy friendships.

Case in point - I have a friend who's incredibly fertile. She's on her sixth baby, two of which have been born since we started trying to have a child. The funny thing about fertile people is that they never know how to act around folks who can't have children. I absolutely hate it when folks walk on eggshells around me just because pregnancy and my body can't find a way to get along. I don't have leprosy, I'm just infertile. News of your pregnancy won't kill me. Yes, I really am truly happy for you, even as I'm sad for me. I'll cry - just a little bit - on the day your child is born, wishing it could have been me in your place. And then I will happily celebrate your child's birth because I care about you just as much as I always have. Ah - but I'm off track - this post has taken a turn I had not intended -back to the story at hand...

My friend is cavalier about the whole pregnancy thing, which rankles me in a way I can't begin to explain. Over time, our friendship has dissolved under the weight of trust issues, distance, her lack of support of our adoption, and my envy. So, it caught me by surprise tonight when I stopped by her blog and saw that her family was weathering a tough time. After consultations with multiple doctors, her second youngest son has been given a unanimous diagnosis of autism.

Dealing with a special need on top of caring for six young children must be quite a struggle. So, tonight, I ask that you please send positive energy her direction. Hopefully now that their son has a definitive diagnosis, they can start down the road of research and treatment options. C., we pray that your little one finds the light within, again.

I'm one of those people who generally doesn't feel old. Yes, I get creaks and aches and fine lines, but still, I try not to dwell on the fact that I'm getting older each year.

D. travels a lot, so at least one night a week I find myself spending time in my local yarn shop, weaving and talking to other weavers and knitters. I was discussing yarn with the daughter of another regular last night, and the topic turned to knitting children's sweaters. I mentioned that I had lots of suitable yarn, but no kids to dress up in handknit clothing.

With a straight face she turned to me and said, "well, at my age, it seems like everyone is falling pregnant and having kids." I stood there stunned, suddenly feeling older than I've felt in a long while. I still can't shake the image in my head of pregnancies falling down upon 19 year olds like manna from heaven.

Not knowing what to say, I mumbled that we're in the process of adopting. "Really, adoption?", she asked. "I was adopted...well, I grew up with my real mom. But my stepdad adopted me."

Now I feel old, and decidedly like an un-real mom. Yippee.

Our Nation's Capital

I think, for the most part, Americans take living in America for granted. This was especially clear to me last weekend as we toured Washington, D.C. Even though we used to live in the area, I had forgotten how diverse the population in D.C. at any given moment can be - how varied the economic backgrounds, the skin tones, the languages spoken, the religions practiced - of all of the people who come to our capital to take in the sights.

I watched as tourists snapped photos of the monuments, school children poured off of buses into museums, and commuters read newspapers on the subway on their way to work. I felt an incredible sense of - well, pride - as hundreds of truckers held a rally, blaring their horns in protest of high gas prices. How honored I felt to be a part of a country where such demonstrations are allowed, even encouraged. Our daughter was very much on my mind as I stood in front of the White House, thinking of China and its seeming rigidity, of how lucky I am, and of how much I look forward to sharing America with our child.

After 13 years of being away, I felt a little trepidation on the flight back to D.C. I missed it terribly when we left, and it took years for me to start to appreciate the stark beauty of the Arizona desert. So, I was quite relieved when I got there and it felt a little bit like seeing an old boyfriend after many years of no contact. There's always that tiny still smoldering spark, but at the end of the day, you're glad you let them get away. I've grown to love the relaxed pace of the desert, the way the light falls at sunset, the ocotillos in bloom. And, while the city continues to beckon softly, I think of it now like a dear old friend I'd like to see again sometime.

There's nothing quite like springtime in bloom, though - here's a few photos of our trip:





















These tulips were growing in a park.












This orchid was in the National Botanical Garden.











Believe it or not, these are regular metal and white paper clothes hangers - used as art. This exhibit was in the Hirschorn Museum, which houses an incredible collection of modern art.

Marina at Sunset

D. took this picture of the San Diego marina at sunset this weekend. Being in San Diego always reinforces my desire to eventually live near the ocean (although not necessarily in San Diego).

Although we seem to be on a slow track towards moving, for now I'm thankful that the coast is just a short trip away. Seeing and hearing the tide roll in refreshes my spirit in a way that nothing else quite does. I can't wait until we can set our child on the sand and watch as she takes her first glimpse of the mighty sea.